Khairy qualified to be minister

Khairy’s plan to become a minister received a major boost earlier today. According to a renowned Buddhist monk from Pulau Tikus, Holiness Boh Ciak Bak, Khairy is qualified because he is married to the 69th reincarnation of the Happy Buddha. “When you sleep with such an enlightened person every day, you become a wise man,” he said. “My calculation shows that she is indeed a reincarnated Buddha. She looks like him, especially when sitting down,” he added.

Furthermore, Holiness Boh went on to address the skeptics. “The Supreme Buddha Council is also embracing equal rights movement, so it is not unusual for a Buddha to be reincarnated as a woman,” he said. On BKC questions why she was born into a non-Buddhist family, Boh added that it might be down to a record keeping error. “If EC, with so many computers can have thousands of dead voters, imagine the mess up there where they are still writing with brush on papyrus,” he added.

The move for a minister's post for Khairy received further endorsement from leading NGOs. According to Ms. Tuah Cha Boh from BBW, Malaysian leading women’s rights NGO, Khairy should be named to head Women, Family and Community development ministry because he is wise and has been successful in handling a big woman’s issues well. “Not many men can handle big women, let alone their issues, so he is definitely qualified,” she said.

However, Khairy’s claim on the post may face formidable challenge from Najib who is said to be eyeing the vacant post as well. “He has proven track record in dealing with woman’s issue militarily. With his experience, he can solve both national security and women’s issues at the same time,” said Banyak bin Bom, an analyst from Wanita dan Pertahanan Negara, a leading defense thinktank.

Samy unveiled retirement blueprint

After years of refusal, Samy Vellu today unveiled his long-awaited retirement blueprint. “I thought for a long time, and now I realize the best time to do it is now,” he told reporters in Sungai Siput earlier today. Accompanied by heavy FRU presence, Samy announced that effectively after the election, he will step down to pursue a career in phantom voting. “I was crushed when they first announced the use of indelible ink. I mean, how can they kill my retirement plan like that? I have worked so hard for BN all these years. Lucky Pak Lah told EC to reverse the decision, now my retirement is secured,” he added.

While Samy refused to reveal his salary as a future phantom voter, a reliable source told BKC that combined with MP and Minister’s pensions; he will be able to enjoy his retirement in luxury. “He can drink todi all day long and just needs to work once every five years,” our source clarified. Concern over using such a well known person as a phantom voter was quickly crushed by Samy. “My make-up artist told me no problem, she can make me look like 128 years old and JPN has given me 20 ICs,” he said proudly.

The announcement was greeted with cheers from BN leaders. “We wish him the very best and I will make sure he is successful in his new career,” Pak Lah told reporters. “I swear, as long as I am the PM, there will be no indelible ink,” he added. Ex-Klang assemblyman Zakaria also sent Samy his invitation, “Our todi here is the best in the country. He can come and drink with me, we enjoy retirement together,” he said.

Elsewhere EC today announced the second reason for cancelling the use of indelible ink. “The ink color is too closed to color of HINDRAF supporters. The ink will only ensure victory for HINDRAF. HINDRAF is a threat to national security,” Rashid said Pak Lah’s living room in Putrajaya.