Samy unveiled retirement blueprint

After years of refusal, Samy Vellu today unveiled his long-awaited retirement blueprint. “I thought for a long time, and now I realize the best time to do it is now,” he told reporters in Sungai Siput earlier today. Accompanied by heavy FRU presence, Samy announced that effectively after the election, he will step down to pursue a career in phantom voting. “I was crushed when they first announced the use of indelible ink. I mean, how can they kill my retirement plan like that? I have worked so hard for BN all these years. Lucky Pak Lah told EC to reverse the decision, now my retirement is secured,” he added.

While Samy refused to reveal his salary as a future phantom voter, a reliable source told BKC that combined with MP and Minister’s pensions; he will be able to enjoy his retirement in luxury. “He can drink todi all day long and just needs to work once every five years,” our source clarified. Concern over using such a well known person as a phantom voter was quickly crushed by Samy. “My make-up artist told me no problem, she can make me look like 128 years old and JPN has given me 20 ICs,” he said proudly.

The announcement was greeted with cheers from BN leaders. “We wish him the very best and I will make sure he is successful in his new career,” Pak Lah told reporters. “I swear, as long as I am the PM, there will be no indelible ink,” he added. Ex-Klang assemblyman Zakaria also sent Samy his invitation, “Our todi here is the best in the country. He can come and drink with me, we enjoy retirement together,” he said.

Elsewhere EC today announced the second reason for cancelling the use of indelible ink. “The ink color is too closed to color of HINDRAF supporters. The ink will only ensure victory for HINDRAF. HINDRAF is a threat to national security,” Rashid said Pak Lah’s living room in Putrajaya.