The cabinet announced new ban

Fresh from banning Indian and Bangladeshi workers from entering Malaysia, the cabinet today announced that they have banned consumption of tandoori chicken. “We also ban importation and use of giant Indian urns used to cook them as Hindraf terrorists like to hide inside,” Banteras bin Keling, a home ministry official announced over the phone.

According to En. Banteras, the move was made after the release of a recent top-secret intelligence report. “Our top spies found out that Tandoori chicken is the key link to terrorism,” he said. “Tamil Tigers are terrorists. The Tigers love tandoori and Hindraf members also love tandoori. So it’s beyond doubt Hindraf is a terrorist organization,” Banteras told reporters in Putrajaya. Malaysian authority is also investigating possible link of vadai and muruku to terrorism.

“I spoke to the PM and Home ministry secretary-general,” Samy said when contacted. “I urge all Indians to avoid terrorist food. They should eat ayam masak merah, a truly Malaysian food instead,” he added.

Elsewhere, a recent report that Sio Lek is mounting a comeback was confirmed when he signed with a major Hollywood studio for a movie deal. According to the producer of White Man Can’t Jump, they will soon shoot a movie starring Soi Lek on location in Batu Pahat. Old Yellow Man Can Hump will be released in December 2008 right before Christmas.

Allah denies involvement

Just days after Pak Lah’s directive banning other religions to use the word ‘Allah’, the Almighty himself clarified that he wasn’t involved in the whole episode. Speaking through his long-time messenger, Gabriel, the Almighty confirmed to reporters that the move was not authorized by him or his office. “Allah never told anybody to copyright his name,” Gabriel said.

According to Gabriel, the Almighty is aware that his name has been used by some lately. “We know that Satan has been posing as Allah and has been going around creating trouble,” Gabriel said. According to him, the lord of darkness was spotted shuttling around offices in Putrajaya recently.

Meanwhile, further government directives on word usage are expected soon. Unnamed BKC sources close to Dewan Bahasa confirmed that the government is preparing new rules for non-muslim publications. In the future, Non-muslims will be required to call their gods simply as ‘He who cannot be named’.

Further move to add words to ‘Non-Malays Do Not Use’ list is also expected. “The government will certainly add Pak Lah to the list as it’s sensitive,” Tambah bin Kata, a linguistic expert from UM said. In the future, he will be referred to as ‘He who should not be named’. Other words that should not be used by non-Malays will include new textbooks, government contracts and housing discounts.